due date

cherry-red toenails, feet perched on the arm of a big red couch.
thinking about previous thoughts, solutions, decisions.
Sometimes I guess, you just need to give in to win.
and im twiddling my thumbs wondering if its true...
even the greatest of greats will fizzle out
like Cherry coke left in a warm glass on the counter.
There are no signs of familiarity
almost as if nothing ever happened
half done with ease and effortlessness
almost as if there are no keepsakes
events replaced by current ones
no value. no worth.
just a series of blurs, it never occured.
please remember this when filling out paper work.
this isn't a game.
this is documentation.

literature

I found a poem I wrote from my freshman year of high school.
It was called shot gun boy.
Its really funny how completely foreshadowing it is of how my life has been thus far.

Here's to looking at you kid

It could be coincidence,
or if such a thing exists...fate.
its all so uncertain
an enigma of the grandest sorts.

but I am certain
that one day
there could OR will
be a point when
enough
just isnt
going to be enough anymore.

Deep Water

I should really be studying right now.
Unrelentlessly tearing into my books
absorbing all there is to know
but I am unmotivated, watching cold case files and drinking a beer.
For the record, my test is an hour and a half
I dropped the ball
and am just too lazy to pick it up.


and again, just for the record
three people have told me the same thing
in the past month


and well...
even crooks have to pay rent.

prospect

While on my cigarette break between classes
the conversation about graduation came up.
I of course have another 2 1/2 years, where as the guy I was talking to is graduating this year.
When asked what he was doing afterwards he said "Well I already have a job in Paris as an art director so I am going to go do that."
Then of course I'm looked at and asked the same question and my response was:"probably unemployed"

muertos

-to see that smile..
I'd say yes to anything

just exactly like I used to...

But I am sure of something, too: its a lot easier to be lost than found.
It's the reason we're always searching, and rarely discovered--
so many locks, not enough keys.

Uprising

It happened yesterday
a complete uprising
a loss of control.
There was no biting my tongue,
there was no lowering my voice
there was shouting
and feeling the blood pump through my veins.
And I could feel it, the harshness in my voice
the complete intention to hurt, to be malicious
and the complete lack of sympathy or remorse.
I do not feel as though it was undeserving,
if anything I should have done worse.
I would've made a few people proud
because the thing I've realized is that
being stepped on so much makes you grow a backbone
and when you finally erupt
people do not know what to think
or how to handle you.

So here I am, a girl
who knows what she is fully capable of
and I am no longer afraid to look.

Probabilty

Some people find it once.
Some people find it frequently and its effortless
and they just don't know how lucky they are...




as for me? there is always a defense mechanism.
For every plan A there has to be a plan B
and an immediate evacuation plan.